Win the War

This past month three different working mothers from three different backgrounds, ages, and industries approached me about a similar issue.  All three felt that they “were wronged” by their organization. Each of them was trying to understand why they were being “attacked” and what to do next. 

I did my best to objectively listen to each of them.  I asked them questions to understand what happened and to look at the situation from various perspectives.  In the end, I agreed with each of them about how they felt.  Now what? (What follows is worthy of a much longer discussion, but I’ll do my best to contain it to a blog post.)

Each woman wanted to fight. They wanted to clear their name. They wanted their company to acknowledge that they were right.

Unfortunately, in two of the women’s cases their company was not supporting them. Now what?

It’s time for a battlefield assessment. Let’s define “winning the war” as soaring as high as you can in your company (or another company).  This “war” is a long journey and will have many “battles” along the way.

In this context, each women is now in the middle of an active battle that can have an impact on their ability to “win the war”. Right now, society is telling women to fight. To stand up. To speak their voice.  And I agree that we should do all these things, especially in cases of assault. However, there are tons of other ways to be “wronged” at work. This three women had three different examples. And even though the natural reflex when you are attacked is to fight, each woman needs to complete a “battlefield assessment” about the likelihood of winning and the cost of the battle.

Only one woman has her organization’s support. Her probability of successfully winning the battle is much higher than the other two women.  The other two women need to factor in to their assessment that their organizations and/or corporate structures are not supporting them. 

Maybe it’s time to re-think their position.

Do you want to win the battle?

Or....Do you want to win the war?

Retreating, regrouping or letting it go might be the best move to win the war. I know it sounds crazy. But hear me out. Retreating is saving yourself so that you can live to fight another day.  You need to ask yourself “Do I want to ‘die’ on this battlefield for this issue?”

Each woman could continue to stand their ground and fight a good fight. Maybe that is the best action. I make no judgements. I am offering that stopping the fight is also a viable option. No one (including me) wants to back down when we’ve been wronged. However, we need to think about the cost of the battle.  You might win the battle, but it could cost you the war.  Companies, corporations, organizations are small and have long memories.  It is too easy for women to get labeled. I’ve seen it happen.

Working mothers need to win the war at the cost of an individual battle.  Soar high enough to make a difference. 

#TogetherSOARing